Quicksand. 

He said I was the cause of all the distaste in his life. That somehow I singlehandedly managed to suck all the Positivity he had. Leaving an abyss, a void that he now associated with my name. I tried to tell him that his negativity was the cause of birth for mine. That we were both doing our parts equally. 

Reactions to actions. Basic physics. 

How could I make him listen when people don’t want to be criticised or reminded of their mistakes? 

But wait…. The same could be said about me. What excuses did I have for causing him pain and distress?

Moment of clarity. 

Moment I realised I was once his strength. He and I were balance on a plane. Like being around him made everything okay. The air more breathable.

Chaos almost fathomable. 

Like nature. He filled where I lacked. Fitting together. Balance. 

That was long ago. 

I think we both got lost somewhere along the way. One plane getting higher than the other thus the occurrence. We had no way of finding who or what to blame. 

So we did what comes natural to human beings without foresight, we gave up. 

Let it go.

Reassuring ourselves that it was for best. 

We had to justify it somehow. 

  

In life it happens that we meet somebody and sparks fly. Everything seems perfect and magical but as the time passes that fire burns out. 

You meet somebody and things are perfect but time and life are never consistent. It changes you. And your relationships suffers then. I think the hardest part is remembering the people you used to be, losing something after you’ve had its taste is difficult to let go. So we keep holding on for the sake of it. For the history we shared and the good times. But it’s not fair. People change and it’s wrong to compare them to who they used to be. 

When it doesn’t work out you either let go or hold on tighter. Telling yourself we can make this work. Compromise turns into sacrifice and one day you wake up and realise you’ve lost years of your life doing this. Resulting in a lot of stress on yourself and the relationship. It’s inevitable to feel resentful. All the love you shared gives way to what could have been. It’s easier to forgive yourself for making a mistake than to forgive somebody else for holding you back. We blame others because the anger keeps the hurt at bay. It’s the worst kind of fate to wake up one day and regret your life. All the ‘if onlys’ and ‘what could have beens’ that your brain conjures up, eat you from inside. 

Letting go when you realise it’s not working out won’t be easy. You might find reasons to stick together but in hindsight, you’ll miss the opportunities. If you let go make sure to Part ways on good terms. Let each other grow and flourish. The world is too small to have enemies and too big to find good and honest people. 

I’d rather have an ache in my heart for losing that person than hate them one day for not letting me live up to the fullest of my capability. 

Song for this: the scientist by Coldplay. 

Love , 

Manal. 

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57 thoughts on “Quicksand. 

Add yours

  1. let it go
    in my circumstance
    it might have been chance
    she used to say i was there for you
    the truth
    was it was fun to be sick and talk online
    but too much
    time and her not having enough
    and my anger a constant danger
    we could not
    change
    the fact that we did not fit
    ever
    so it is
    over
    finally

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Letting go is hard.
      The way we were
      What we could have been
      Will haunt the nights
      Echo in the silences around us.
      There’s nothing we could do
      We were puppets in a show.
      We played our part.
      It was all we could do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m made the same way as you.
        Luck was never with me
        I played the cards right and waited
        The rest was upto destiny.
        I’m hopeful for future you should be too.
        Someone out there will love you
        See you through
        Life and hardships.
        My wish for you.

        Like

      2. Letting go is one of my hardest things to do. I wish there was steps into letting go. The idea of what I could have been and what I am now is so difficult to accept. It’s like living two people in one body.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. When you lose yourself there are only two things you can do; find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.
        I don’t know who said that but this has helped me greatly in my life. Hope it can help you too.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Initially I wanted to find it. But what’s gone once can never be the same. So I decided to make a better version of it. So I guess I lost that girl. I miss her sometimes. Like you would a little sister. Or an old friend. But losing it also liberated me from the past.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Resentment is a killer in a relationship. If it is not possible to meet halfway in the compromise then best to let go. Long term relationships are hard work. Worth it if you can grow together and work through the tough times but if the compromise involves loosing yourself that is a price too high to pay. Good thoughts well written!

    Like

  3. Words of wisdom … I’ve seen heart-ache so many times, not in my own life, but in the lives of others … life is a pack of cards … some people just shuffle and deal the hand again … others take a different way out …

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There are so many factors involved …I was an active sports coach for a long time and shared in the sufferings of my athletes … that was more than enough for me … so much grief and silent suffering in our contemporary society …

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I clicked like, but it’s not what I mean. We are experiencing a divided society … very divided … haves and have nots … privileged and the rest … I no longer know how to deal with it … ageing is not good … it makes me feel useless … and I hate that …

        Like

  4. Wow beautifully written.. I agree.. Better to let go than live in bitterness. And find new ways of friendship. Relationship may not work out but sometimes friendship does esp if we can let go of bitterness

    Liked by 1 person

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