He said I was the cause of all the distaste in his life. That somehow I singlehandedly managed to suck all the Positivity he had. Leaving an abyss, a void that he now associated with my name. I tried to tell him that his negativity was the cause of birth for mine. That we were both doing our parts equally.
Reactions to actions. Basic physics.
How could I make him listen when people don’t want to be criticised or reminded of their mistakes?
But wait…. The same could be said about me. What excuses did I have for causing him pain and distress?
Moment of clarity.
Moment I realised I was once his strength. He and I were balance on a plane. Like being around him made everything okay. The air more breathable.
Chaos almost fathomable.
Like nature. He filled where I lacked. Fitting together. Balance.
That was long ago.
I think we both got lost somewhere along the way. One plane getting higher than the other thus the occurrence. We had no way of finding who or what to blame.
So we did what comes natural to human beings without foresight, we gave up.
Let it go.
Reassuring ourselves that it was for best.
We had to justify it somehow.
In life it happens that we meet somebody and sparks fly. Everything seems perfect and magical but as the time passes that fire burns out.
You meet somebody and things are perfect but time and life are never consistent. It changes you. And your relationships suffers then. I think the hardest part is remembering the people you used to be, losing something after you’ve had its taste is difficult to let go. So we keep holding on for the sake of it. For the history we shared and the good times. But it’s not fair. People change and it’s wrong to compare them to who they used to be.
When it doesn’t work out you either let go or hold on tighter. Telling yourself we can make this work. Compromise turns into sacrifice and one day you wake up and realise you’ve lost years of your life doing this. Resulting in a lot of stress on yourself and the relationship. It’s inevitable to feel resentful. All the love you shared gives way to what could have been. It’s easier to forgive yourself for making a mistake than to forgive somebody else for holding you back. We blame others because the anger keeps the hurt at bay. It’s the worst kind of fate to wake up one day and regret your life. All the ‘if onlys’ and ‘what could have beens’ that your brain conjures up, eat you from inside.
Letting go when you realise it’s not working out won’t be easy. You might find reasons to stick together but in hindsight, you’ll miss the opportunities. If you let go make sure to Part ways on good terms. Let each other grow and flourish. The world is too small to have enemies and too big to find good and honest people.
I’d rather have an ache in my heart for losing that person than hate them one day for not letting me live up to the fullest of my capability.
Song for this: the scientist by Coldplay.