To all the night crawlers out there. Do you ever lay down to sleep and stay awake for hours? The silence louder than a rock concert. Your thoughts having wings of their own, unashamedly flying around in their wild forms. You can literally hear them buzzing around in your head.
The noise inside combined with the silence outside, gets unbearable. Trying to block it out, you try the old methods. Hum a lullaby, try counting sheep. Nothing would help you sleep. Chances are you’d sleep better at an actual rock concert. So you put on your headphones, turn up the music. Block out the chaos with more chaos. For some it’s easier to just pop a pill and silence it all. Others distract themselves, delaying the moment they’d have to hear their own thoughts.
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”
How many things do we run away from? How many of us are running away from ourselves? We distract ourselves by keeping busy. I even do yoga before bed at times when I can’t sleep. Or tidy up the house. No I’m not Cinderella, but midnight strikes and I’m up and cleaning.
Need to get order outside in need to get order inside.
I found this line during my nightly readings and it instantly found its way from my heart to my brain. I’m a very neat and organised person. I can’t stand a mess. You’ll find me tidying up things around the house. Now, I know you must be thinking there’s nothing wrong with staying organised. But this kind of obsessive cleaning is like a disease!
It works like healing for me. I’ve noticed how much I clean when I’m going through a rough patch. Maybe deep down I carry this idea that clearing all the mess out there will somehow clear the mess inside as well. I know it might seem odd but that’s how it is with me.
Maybe because visible mess reminds me of the invisible mess I’ve buried deep down. Cleaning is somehow reassuring myself that the other will get under control as well.
I’ve read that cleaning helps your Chakra. Which is probably why it calms your nerves. The brain activity and work required in the task leaves you drained physically but it keeps you distracted mentally. So when I can’t sleep and drowning my thoughts with music doesn’t work, this is how I cope. The messier my mind, the more organised my house gets! At least one good thing comes out of it. I wonder if I would have been this active otherwise. But obsessing over something clearly means trouble.
Safe to say if you find yourself doing something excessively, you should probably give yourself a talk. It usually happens without us even knowing what our minds are plotting. It could mean you’re unconsciously trying to run away from an issue or something that’s been disturbing you. Could even be OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Let’s not get so ahead of ourselves though. It probably is just your attempt at running away from something by burying yourself in something else.
I’d love to know you all cope with it. So please share, Maybe I’ll steal your ideas!